SHADE’S EXPERIENCE
"Yesterday I had a somatic therapy appointment from 9-3, he massaged my body and pressed through layers of trauma held in my tissues I had been holding for maybe--generations. I saw pieces of my life afresh-memories I hadforgotten or hadn't thought of in years. I saw my daughter's face on my chest the moment after she was born, the way I arched my back over the high jump bar at a track meet, my brother walking even though he's in a wheelchair.
I saw my ancestors and for some it I felt I had returned to the womb. It was summarily the most powerful healing I've ever experienced. For someone who is very cerebral, being brought into my body forcefully can be traumatic but despite the pain, this experience was artful and allowed me to rewrite the stories of my pain. Kyle was gentle and present and such an unshakeable representation of the safety the embodied masculine can create. God bless him forever for how he can hold feminine fear, sorrow, rage, shame. I screamed and wept and felt pain like I've never felt before.
And Kyle held space for it all. There was pinball machine lightning shooting upelectric current flashing across my spine. And then my body would flush with sweat and into relief and finally movement. Freedom. I can move my arms and neck and legs. I sobbed while I danced this morning because I can move my hips and shoulder blades and I have no conscious memories of movement feeling only good in my body. Until today. I was certain my arm was going to break and I'd look and see he was just pressing with two fingers. How could my brain be receiving such a false message? Why was I perceiving danger and death? Why is it so hard for me to trust men? My hands hurt the worst. Out of the whole experience. It was my hands.
I am sore today in strange places. But something shifted. I hallucinated because ofthe intensity of the pain. And I saw Christ while I screamed as he pressed into my hands with one thumb. He held meand said why are you crucifying yourself? I've already doneit for you. I collapsed in his arms and wept. Then the previously unbearable stabbing pain in my hand disappeared and my body burst into sweat EVERYWHERE.
I'm still processing the experience. but for now - know that you are not alone, that healing is happening in your bloodline, on your behalf, in you, through you AND THAT GOD IS ON THE MOVE"
-Shade Ashani